The Real Parade Was in the Streets

While Trump saluted empty grandstands and cut birthday cake with generals, millions of Americans hit the streets to remind him this isn’t a monarchy—yet.

Guest article by Michael Cohen

Let me paint you a picture: It’s Trump’s 79th birthday. The man is nearly an octogenarian toddler, strutting around like a birthday boy on a sugar high. It’s also the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army, so naturally, he hijacked the occasion with a parade for himself. Tanks rolling down Constitution Avenue, fighter jets slicing the sky, soldiers paraded like action figures. He tried to cosplay as Caesar again—except Caesar had the decency to be assassinated before he declared himself emperor.

And yet, outside the barricades, in every city, in every time zone, America screamed back: No Kings. Somewhere between 7 and 11 million Americans took to the streets. Let that sink in. That’s not a protest; that’s a reckoning.

They came out for a hundred reasons. Tariffs that are crushing small businesses. Mass deportations that are tearing families apart. The economic chaos. The lies. The criminality. The cruelty. All of it. This was a movement, not a moment.

And still, what did the Sunday shows lead with? “Sparse turnout at Trump’s Military Birthday Bash.” Really? That’s the headline?

Sure, the seats were embarrassingly empty, and yes, the only people clapping were the same 42 folks who follow the Trump motorcade around like it's the Grateful Dead. But if we think that is the silver bullet—some pathetic parade attendance—then we deserve to lose again. And we will.

Haven’t we played this delusional game before?

Remember 2024? When everyone said the same thing: "Low Trump rally turnout means he’s done." "This time, voters will finally see." "The polls say we’re winning!" And then what happened? He didn’t just win—he bulldozed through every prediction, took all seven swing states, and, brace yourselves, won the goddamn popular vote. That’s right, the guy who once claimed windmills cause cancer is now our President again, legitimately. Because while we were hashtagging “Democracy Dies in Darkness,” Trump was in diners and union halls saying three-word slogans like “Mass Deportations Now” and “Build The Wall.”

Here’s the hard truth: mockery doesn’t mobilize voters. Messaging does. Trump understands this better than anyone. Keep it simple, stupid. You think he’s waxing poetic at a teleprompter? No—he’s hammering home slogans you could print on a trucker hat. He repeats them like mantras: “They’re not sending their best.” “Make America Great Again.” “America First.” Simplicity works!

Meanwhile, what are we saying? “Let’s restore the soul of the nation.” Sounds beautiful. Means nothing. Try fitting that on a bumper sticker.

Here’s what we need to do: 3-word slogans like:

• Tariffs Are Taxes.

• Consumers Pay Tariffs.

• We Deserve Better.

• Respect Our Veterans.

• Protect Our Kids.

• No Kings. No Lies.

Say it, shout it, repeat it. Because voters don’t respond to policy white papers or virtue-signaling monologues. They respond to clarity. Authenticity. Urgency.

Want to win in 2026? Don’t count parade attendance. Count kitchen tables. What’s the cost of eggs, gas, medicine? That’s what matters. You think people care about what MSNBC says when they’re working two jobs and still can’t pay rent? Wake up. Talk about them, not about him.

And let’s not kid ourselves. The people who voted for Trump in 2024? They’re not all foaming-at-the-mouth fascists. Many were lifelong Democrats and Independents. Union workers. Veterans. Parents sick of the culture wars. People who felt ignored. And they weren’t wrong. We abandoned them to the false promises of a con man with a red hat and an anger problem.

So here’s a radical thought: Let’s try listening to them.

Let’s tell them we hear you. That you’re right to be pissed off. That we need to fix the economy, protect jobs, protect Social Security, secure borders humanely, and yes, support the damn military without turning them into props. Let’s stop talking like Harvard is our audience. Let’s speak like we’re in Toledo, or Scranton, or Tallahassee. Because that’s where this fight is won.

Trump wants this to be a monarchy. He stands in front of tanks like a warlord, puffing his chest while the country burns behind him. And yes, yesterday, millions stood up and said no more. But that protest? It was just the opening act.

The question is: Will we follow it up with action? Or will we post a few selfies and go back to sleep, while the other side keeps organizing, donating, voting?

I’m tired of losing the winnable fights. I’m tired of watching the media fall into the same trap. And I’m fucking tired of pretending that a weak parade equals political doom for Trump. The DNC tried that delusion in 2017 and 2024. It failed.

Let’s stop the name-calling. Let’s stop screaming at each other online and start showing up in real life—like those 11 million did this weekend. If we want democracy back, we have to build it back. Brick by brick. Message by message. Vote by vote.

No Kings. No Messiahs. Just us.

Inspired? Good. Now, let’s get to work.

JOIN ME. STAND WITH THIS COMMUNITY. WE CANNOT DO THIS ALONE.

If you’re reading this, you’re already part of the resistance. You believe in truth. In justice. In dragging the roaches of corruption into the light. But let me be brutally honest: I can’t do this without you.

This isn't just another newsletter; it’s a war cry. A movement. A battering ram aimed at the liars, the grifters, and the authoritarian wannabes hijacking our democracy. And we need to grow this platform into a voice so loud, so relentless, that they can’t spin it, silence it, or shut it down.

I’m calling on you—not passively asking, but urgently demanding—to fuel this fight. We are the last line of defense between democracy and dictatorship.

And yes, as a small token of my appreciation, the first 240 Founding Members will receive a signed, numbered, limited Substack edition of my New York Times bestseller, Revenge: How Donald Trump Weaponized the U.S. Department of Justice Against His Critics. It’s not just a collector’s item. It’s a declaration of where you stood when history came calling.

But this isn’t about a book.
This is about defiance.
About refusing to be gaslit.
About locking arms and shouting back at the madness.

Here’s how you can raise your voice:

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You want to make a difference? This is your moment.
Rise up. Speak out. Show up.
Because if we don’t fight for truth, no one will.
And if we do it together? They’ll never drown us out.

Let’s be impossible to ignore.
Let’s be un-fucking-breakable.
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